Oh where has my mind gone?

By | October 8, 2014

In one moment, I feel like I’m thinking clearly. I’m reading and reflecting. I feel connected.

In the next moment, I realize just how unconnected my mind is. This chemo brain is infuriating! I ventured out today – unable to drive because of the cognitive dissonance that is getting worse with each dose of taxel – I took the VTA (train) to the mall to buy a ridiculous amount of chocolate. I treated myself to a 30-minute reflexology foot massage (hoping that it might help with the neuropathy). What I failed to do was turn off the stove when I made breakfast this morning (I’m perfecting the poach egg – just need to learn to turn the stove off after taking the egg out of the pot). Fortunately, I didn’t do much more than burn the bottom of a pot.

I have several blogs posts in the works. In the times when I’m thinking clearly, I reflect and I write. I seem to be OK when I’m sitting in front of my computer – with that limited field of vision. But when I step outside to walk, visual processing is a challenge. I find myself looking down at the ground as I walk, mostly because I cannot process what I’m seeing when I look up. It is confusing. My vision is also getting worse. It doesn’t help that my vision was all screwed up from the cataract surgeries even before the cancer – but the chemo is changing my vision, so my glasses aren’t as clear – and my eyes without my glasses aren’t working well. The mono-vision idea made sense when my brain was working well – it is a challenge when my brain isn’t functioning properly.

So looking forward to being done with chemo!

2 thoughts on “Oh where has my mind gone?

  1. Christine Cook
    I too am working on perfecting the poached egg these days! Ha!

    Will be thinking of you tomorrow as you head into your MRI day. Sending you positive thoughts!

  2. Sharon
    Sending you very positive thoughts and hoping and praying that this part of the journey is soon over for you and Scott. Love you, Becky.

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