In one moment, I feel like I’m thinking clearly. I’m reading and reflecting. I feel connected.
In the next moment, I realize just how unconnected my mind is. This chemo brain is infuriating! I ventured out today – unable to drive because of the cognitive dissonance that is getting worse with each dose of taxel – I took the VTA (train) to the mall to buy a ridiculous amount of chocolate. I treated myself to a 30-minute reflexology foot massage (hoping that it might help with the neuropathy). What I failed to do was turn off the stove when I made breakfast this morning (I’m perfecting the poach egg – just need to learn to turn the stove off after taking the egg out of the pot). Fortunately, I didn’t do much more than burn the bottom of a pot.
I have several blogs posts in the works. In the times when I’m thinking clearly, I reflect and I write. I seem to be OK when I’m sitting in front of my computer – with that limited field of vision. But when I step outside to walk, visual processing is a challenge. I find myself looking down at the ground as I walk, mostly because I cannot process what I’m seeing when I look up. It is confusing. My vision is also getting worse. It doesn’t help that my vision was all screwed up from the cataract surgeries even before the cancer – but the chemo is changing my vision, so my glasses aren’t as clear – and my eyes without my glasses aren’t working well. The mono-vision idea made sense when my brain was working well – it is a challenge when my brain isn’t functioning properly.
So looking forward to being done with chemo!