Tag Archives: fear

Queen of wishful thinking

When it comes to the entire surgery process, I find myself falling into the realm of ‘queen of wishful thinking’. I had convinced myself that ‘flat’ was that way to go. I joined a great supportive Facebook group ‘Flat & Fabulous’ and found that I was creating a new vision of myself that involved a… Read More »

Rethinking reconstruction

I had a couple of doctors updates yesterday. One with the breast surgeon and another with the oncologist. On the good news front, my oncologist said that my left breast felt like ‘a normal lumpy breast’ rather than a breast with a large cancerous tumor! This is a sign that the chemo is working. He… Read More »

My Buddha Belly

It may sound dumb but one of my biggest worries about not getting reconstruction is that I’ll look funny. I’ll have a flat chest but a buddha belly. I’m more scared about the buddha belly than I am about the flat chest. I know my choice for surgery. I know I ‘want’ a double-mastectomy. Want… Read More »

The transformative power of a bike ride

One of the hardest things I’ve done lately, was to get out of bed after my afternoon nap, and get on my bike. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the energy for it – I did. I’m in a strong phase right now. It was that I was sad. And not the type of sad… Read More »

Meltdown

Last night I allowed myself to go down an emotional spiral into an all out meltdown. I was already feeling a little sad and then took an MJ pill, and started reading the book Wild. The first several chapters of the book go through the authors feelings as she supports her mother’s sudden death from Lung… Read More »

Joining the cancer blogosphere

I have been blogging for a few weeks now, but I have been very hesitant to read other people’s cancer blogs. I’ve been hesitant to reach out to too many others who are going through similar experiences to mine. In part, this is a form a denial, in part it is a form of fear.… Read More »

Preparations

I’ve talked before about how other things I have done in my life have prepared me well for this new journey. At the chemo class yesterday, the nurse talked about taking it one step at a time but also about celebrating between the various phases. This is very much the same advice given when you… Read More »

Slash, Burn, Poison, and Starve

A new friend commented to me that the treatments for cancer were to slash, burn, and/or poison. It bugs me that the most effective treatment and first choice is always to ‘cut it out’. I’ve added starve to the list for breast cancer, as that is one of the more effective treatments if you have… Read More »

“Wow! I hope you get it out of you soon!”

A friend said to me “Wow! I hope you get it out of you soon!” Honestly, before I had breast cancer, I always thought that if I had cancer, that would be my reaction – just get it out of me. I find it very interesting that it is very much NOT my reaction. The… Read More »

Caution – this one talks a bit about death …

First off, I must start this with a couple of pictures from my beautiful ride up Mount Hamilton this afternoon. It took me 2 hours to climb the 7 miles (not quite 11km) of all up hill. Throughout the climb I found myself stopping in shaded corners to both catch my breath and cry.  When… Read More »